


beetlejuice texting fic

by bitchassfuckhead



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Texting, beetlebabes is GROSS!!!, i love the maitlands with all of my heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22081402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchassfuckhead/pseuds/bitchassfuckhead
Summary: [funky lil emo kid] gross[ghost zombie jesus] barf[mommy] Guys, that’s rude. :([ghost zombie jesus] gUyS tHatS rUdE[ghost zombie jesus] ur right i’m sorry barbara[mommy] It’s okay. :)aka beetlejuice is still the same basically but now they b textin
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Charles Deetz/Delia Deetz, Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland
Comments: 15
Kudos: 133





	1. we love barbara!!

[beetlejuice made a group chat with five other users!]

[12:51AM]

[beetlejuice changed their name to ghost zombie jesus!]

[ghost zombie jesus changed lydia’s name to funky lil emo kid!]

[ghost zombie jesus changed barbara’s name to mommy!]

[ghost zombie jesus changed adam’s name to daddy!]

[ghost zombie jesus changed charles’ name to papi charles!]

[ghost zombie jesus changed delia’s name to big D elia!]

[ghost zombie jesus] get it delia? i’m making a joke about ur non existent big di-

[big D elia] yes thank you beetlejuice i got that

[funky lil emo kid] b i’m going to kill your already dead self

[ghost zombie jesus] i’d like to see u try u fuckin goth

[mommy] Hey! Don’t be rude :(

[daddy] Why are our names matching?

[funky lil emo kid] who’s gonna tell em

[ghost zombie jesus] not it ;)

[ghost zombie jesus] anywho i felt a family gc was something we definitely needed in our lives 

[funky lil emo kid] stfu you literally don’t even have a life

[ghost zombie jesus] ouch lyds:( 

[ghost zombie jesus] that really got me right in my uwus 

[funky lil emo kid] WHO TAUGHT HIM UWU

[ghost zombie jesus] hey! i’ve been around forever i know what it means

[ghost zombie jesus] plus

[ghost zombie jesus] delia told me

[big D elia] gasp i did not

[ghost zombie jesus] did too

[papi charles] Honey, you don’t have to type out gasp.

[big D elia] gasp watch me

[papi charles] I can never win with you.

[big D elia] i know but you love it;)

[papi charles] That i do. ;)

[funky lil emo kid] gross

[ghost zombie jesus] barf 

[mommy] Guys, that’s rude. :(

[ghost zombie jesus] gUyS tHatS rUdE

[ghost zombie jesus] ur right i’m sorry barbara 

[mommy] It’s okay. :)


	2. wig? snatched.

[11:15PM]

[ghost zombie jesus] horses can swim

[funky lil emo kid] i’m sorry, they can w h a t

[ghost zombie jesus] mm yup horses can take a lil swim

[funky lil emo kid] imagine you go for a swim and you see a fucking horse in the water with you 

[ghost zombie jesus] horse in da water he do be kinda swimming doe 

[funky lil emo kid] wig 

[daddy] Why did you say wig? What does it mean in this context??

[funky lil emo kid] wig

[ghost zombie jesus] wig

[big D elia] wig

[funky lil emo kid] wait delia do you even know what wig means??

[big D elia] yes i’m not old

[big D elia] wig? snatched.

[ghost zombie jesus] please delia i cannot breathe dkfjdkkd 

[funky lil emo kid] you don’t need to breathe idiot

[ghost zombie jesus] ok shut up lydia i did not ask

[funky lil emo kid] okay fine you smelly sewer rat 

[mommy] Stop being mean to each other. :((

[daddy] She’s right say you’re sorry.

[funky lil emo kid] we’re sorry:(

[ghost zombie jesus] ^^^

[mommy] :)

[daddy] :)

[ghost zombie jesus] they’re so precious i love them 

[funky lil emo kid] me too:)

[daddy] Aw, we love you both. :)

[funky lil emo kid] those damn smiley faces are gonna make me cry 

[mommy] No don’t cry. :(

[funky lil emo kid] oh no now it’s a sad face 

[ghost zombie jesus] good job lydia you made her whip out the sad face

[funky lil emo kid] suck my balls dude

[ghost zombie jesus] wh

[ghost zombie jesus] w h at stop it i’m going to cry 

[funky lil emo kid] i got big ball energy what can i say

[ghost zombie jesus] u most certainly do not 

[big D elia] agreed 

[funky lil emo kid] damn can we get an f in the chat 

[ghost zombie jesus] no 

[funky lil emo kid] rude.


	3. twerk off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off a post i saw on tumblr :)

[1:00AM]

[ghost zombie jesus] be honest 

[funky lil emo kid] mm maybe

[ghost zombie jesus] who would win in a twerk off

[ghost zombie jesus] me or delia 

[funky lil emo kid] delia no doubt

[funky lil emo kid] she’s experienced

[ghost zombie jesus] and i’m n o t ???

[funky lil emo kid] good point 

[papi charles] I get the feeling you two forget this is a groupchat.

[ghost zombie jesus] sometimes yeah 

[funky lil emo kid] ^

[daddy] I would win 100%.

[mommy] Yes it’s true he would. He has some history in that area.

[ghost zombie jesus] is this ur way of saying y’all freaky in the sheets? ;)

[mommy] Gross. And no it’s just Adam has had his share of twerk offs while we were alive. :)

[funky lil emo kid] i love how you guys are dead (obvi not:() but yet you still use phones

[daddy] Gotta stay hip somehow. #yolo #lit

[funky lil emo kid] please do not ever say hip in that context again adam okay thanks

[ghost zombie jesus] and never use hashtags ever

[big D elia] are you guys just gonna ignore that adam has had twerk offs? sigh

[papi charles] Yes, we are.

[papi] charles] Also honey, once again, you do not have to type out things such as sigh and gasp.

[big D elia] uh i’m pretty sure i do 

[papi charles] Fine.

[big D elia] ;)

[ghost zombie jesus] my fingers smell like blood

[funky lil emo kid] i’m sorry your what smells like what

[ghost zombie jesus] i think you can read lydia 

[funky lil emo kid] sometimes i wish i can’t

[ghost zombie jesus] totally understandable have a nice day


	4. uno reverse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is random but i shaved all of my hair today oop

[3:11PM]

[funky lil emo kid] so i’m sitting here

[ghost zombie jesus] barbque sauce on my titties

[daddy] Wait, what?

[papi charles] What does this mean??

[ghost zombie jesus] what’s the scoop

[funky lil emo kid] penis

[funky lil emo kid] hurricane katrina more like hurricane tortilla

[ghost zombie jesus] met a chick with twelve tits today 

[ghost zombie jesus] sounds weird

[ghost zombie jesus] dozen tit

[funky lil emo kid] that’s a tiktok but okay i guess

[big D elia] pls stop quoting vines

[ghost zombie jesus] u can’t tell us wht to do DELIA

[big D elia] watch me

[funky lil emo kid] oh damn

[ghost zombie jesus] don’t oh damn her i thought u were on my side

[funky lil emo kid] never assume that i’m on your side ever again 

[ghost zombie jesus] damn that’s a lil harsh lydia:/

[funky lil emo kid] tough tiddies

[ghost zombie jesus] emo kids wear eyeliner under their eyes once and think they tough 

[funky lil emo kid] okay call me out why fucking dontcha 

[ghost zombie jesus] thank u i will

[funky lil emo kid] fuck you 

[ghost zombie jesus] uno reverse 

[funky lil emo kid] i-


	5. Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick

[2:50AM] 

[mommy] Can somebody tell me why i found Lydia downstairs at nearly three am making a hot pocket?

[funky lil emo kid] damn barb why do you think? i got the munchies for a pocket 

[ghost zombie jesus] yeah barb she got the munchies for a pocket god

[mommy] Okay but make sure to get some sleep soon.

[mommy] Also, that hot pocket smells good, can i have a bite? 🥺

[funky lil emo kid] yes of course barbara i’m gonna sob get in here and munch!!:)

[ghost zombie jesus] so sweet :)

[ghost zombie jesus] anywho, yeah i got ptsd,

[ghost zombie jesus] Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick

[funky lil emo kid] why do you have to ruin everything

[ghost zombie jesus] because i had the opportunity to do so 

[funky lil emo kid] yeah ok i get that


End file.
